10 Things to Leave in My 20s

I want to be my best self, so some of my negative ”me”ness has to go. I could be working on curbing these habits for the rest of the year, maybe the rest of the decade, potentially the rest of my life. All in all, I’m being proactive NOW to rid myself and my environment of MY toxic habits!! There will only be stagnation if I don’t! So, here is a list of got-to-go tendencies. Hopefully, this list inspires you to examine and declutter your heart, mind and space today! We can do it together, then laugh about it later.

On with “The List!”

Every battle requires a strategy! Mine? Scripture, Visualization, Accountability and Goal setting. My least favorite of these is accountability. Seriously, who elects to have someone call them out on their slacking? It’s absurd! Yet, necessary because sometimes (too often for me) ‘self’ just doesn’t have the fortitude and a loving “Get it together, sis!” (in many variations) is just what one needs. With that strategy in mind, here’s what I’m attacking:

1. Negative Self Talk

From my inner thoughts to jokes to verbally accosting my own character. I’m done with it! Self deprecating jokes, self pity and self judgement are insulting to the grace God gives us daily. It’s basically saying, God’s judgement of us is wrong and we don’t accept it. No, no, no... I wanna see myself, speak of myself and TO MYSELF the way God does.

Strategy: Replacing that negativity with goodness and truth.

Scripture: Job 33:3

2. Self Doubt

If I can believe in the hopes and dreams of everyone around me for months and years of friendship then I can believe in myself for like five minutes (or, ya know, the rest of my life). I deserve the same encouragement I give to others. And I’ve done a great deal of good work in my life so far. Enough to testify that God is with me, He is using me and that He is for me! ‘God is within me, I will not fail!’ Seriously gotta own this scripture!

Strategy: Journal three mantras daily (or every other day, let's be realistic.)

Scripture: Luke 24:38

3. Discontentment

I, like much of society, can be insatiable when it comes to anything and almost everything. There never seems to be enough. Not enough time, money, clothes, adventures, travel, sleep, etc. But every time I stop and look back over things, I’ve always had exactly as much as I’ve needed. And now I really just want to stop missing out on right now’s beauty because I‘m searching the horizon for tomorrow‘s. It will all be present at it’s perfect time and not before.

Strategy: Practice gratefulness, by thanking God for every aspect of my life multiple times throughout the day aloud or internally.

Scripture: Philippians 4:12

4. Inconsistency

THIS is my missing link. Inconsistency has slowed down so much of my progress and it’s triggered by a variety of things. But now that I’m identifying these triggers and excuses that hold me at stand still or drop the ball, I’m creating momentum that's going to propel my life to the next level. #consistency

Strategy: Goal setting with dated deadlines and accountability groups in all circles of my life.

Scripture: Romans 14:19

5.“Don’t miss out” Mentality

I am a social butterfly and goer. That’s always been me. Well, it’s high time to shift my understanding and practices to better serve my major life goals and not my shortsighted thrills. By sacrificing small satisfactions of today (dating, nights out, new gadgets, etc.) for intentional habits that will foster financial freedom and emotional stability for tomorrow. Figurative tomorrow of course. Like, 3-5 years of tomorrows.

Strategy: Planning & budgeting for 1-2 "adventures" a month with and without the minis.

Scripture: Luke 12:30-31

7. Hustle Mentality

Life doesn’t have to be a constant grind. There must be balance and trust in God’s provision. This a rough one for me because I am such a get-it-done-for-myself-by-myself type of person. Y’all are gonna have to pray for me! However, my current circumstances are forcing me to prioritize my time and energy into the most important aspects of my life. It's actually very sobering and influential for this hurdle of 'me'ness.

Strategy: Do my job(s) well, set boundaries for work (side hustles, new projects, etc.) and prioritize family time.

Scripture: Psalm 116:7

8. Indirect or Nonexistent Communication

Honestly, I’d rather not talk about anything. There are so many other less effective ways to handle tough conversations. I prefer those. But I also want healthy and open relationships with everyone in my life. Do you see my problem here? Curses for the level of maturity I’m chiseling out from underneath my learned coping mechanisms. This means more difficult conversations, more asking for what I need, more setting boundaries, more respecting others’ boundaries, more changed behaviors... more, more, MORE! (Hopefully ending my saga of failed situationships. Again, pray for me!)

Strategy: Identify the conversation that needs to happen, woman up and have it!

Scripture: Proverbs 17:22

9. Neglecting time with God

I notice that when I’m out of touch with God I’m weighed down by everything. There’s more irritation and frustration. I’m lacking the joy I need to thrive in this life. It’s a wretched feeling. In order to maintain the balance, focus and peace necessary to enjoy the life God blessed me with He has to be at the center. He must come first, even before my children and especially before myself.

Strategy: Christian music, Life Groups, Bible studies with friends, Bible study with my kids and scheduled, set aside, purposeful prayer time.

Scripture: John 15:4

10. Comparison

This one can be summed up in about 20 different quotes that I see on Instagram constantly! So, I will just say... I want to celebrate how God is moving in my life because I am right where He needs me to be. Amen.

Strategy: Practice gratefulness. (see above)

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 10:12

I pray you found a few truths for yourself in this article and that you’ll join me in growing forward. And at whatever age you are, wherever you are in life, NOW is ALWAYS a good time to leave old habits behind. It’s a season to blossom!

** I’ve been writing this article since April. Major writer's block, constant self-distraction & a touch of impostor syndrome all aided me in procrastinating on completing and publishing this. Progress can be slow but forward is forward and I’m happy I finally got it done.**