How I Delight in My Kids!

Is spending time with your children a chore? A checkbox on your to-do list? In a series of personal epiphanies, I came to understand that my attitude towards my kiddos had been jaded for far too long but I was finally on the right path to parenting the way God intended, with delight.

Well, just what did the pastor say that sent me reeling in my seat at the rear of the congregation in the balcony? He said, "What your heart values is shown in your devotion." Meaning, what you delight in doing or what you freely give time to is what you value most. So, if you are making a chore out of it, it is not your delight. If you are simply checking off a box to "get it done" or not doing it all, it is not a delight and your heart isn't in it. For instance, if you're not spending time in prayer you really don't believe in its power. Although, you may say so. At this point I was already convicted by the Holy Spirit. Yet, he continued with, "If you spend time with your kids out of obligation, because you HAVE to, then you don't delight your children." and I was shook. SHOOK I said! My mind went immediately to my planner and how I write in 'bedtime time story' or 'fun time'. Then, guilt started to creep in.

Guilt is not of the Lord. He doesn't convict us to shame us but to change us.

Immediately, I had to tell the enemy to back off and let the Holy Spirit finish His work. After shooing away the negativity, the first epiphany came!

Epiphany 1: I've Been Self-reflecting

I had been examining my parenting for a while now. Slowly coming to the understanding that what I wanted to get out of my children, I had to first pour it into them. If I want them to be kind and generous, I had to model that. And so on and so forth with other areas I wanted to cultivate in them. This came around Fall 2016. Also, coming into view was the concept that I was missing so many moments by being distracted with other things i.e. social media, starting a dance company, hanging with friends, stressing over finances and they were being neglected. Instead of recognizing their cries for attention I was annoyed with them. (feel free to shake your head at this, what I shame.) But since I had realized where I was falling short, I was already on my way to taking delight in my time with the tiny humans I spawned.

Epiphany 2: It's Okay for Me to Plan

Now, after the pastor remarked about making parenting a chore I had to examine my motives behind putting family time in my planner. The conclusion was that I wasn't making it a chore so much as I was designating much needed time for my children. With all that I have to do it is too easy to be consumed by distraction and forget to read a bedtime story or listen to endless stories about Pokeman card trades at his after school program or best friends in her preschool class. So, I prioritize time with them and it doesn't always look like the plan but it is fulfilling for each of us. And the magic of motherhood is revealed.

Epiphany 3: I've Been Finding Little Moments

Earlier I mentioned that I realized I was missing out. This realization happened when I told my mother I barely remember what my oldest child was like as a toddler. At the time it was just a cavalier statement, but as time went on I saw why I had missed it and began to change my behavior. Now, if we don't get the bedtime story in or my siblings have to step in because I have to work, I miss them and find any moment to love on them or listen to them or just be general weirdos together. We can turn a car ride into a full on beatboxing concert. Sometimes, random dance parties breakout before dinner. Other times, I just let them climb all over me, snuggle up and share kisses and hugs. They are only this little once and I want them to know they are loved!

Long Road to Success

Not a single mom out here is perfect and most of us are actively trying to be the best mamas we can be. So, for any struggling moms out there frustrated by the sense that parenting is such a chore and fearful that they aren't delighting in there children enough, here are my humble suggestions.

1. Forgive yourself! - It helps no one and nothing by holding on to moments of failure. Recognize that you can do better, make a plan and try again. It's a marathon not a race. So get back up and get to running.

2. Prioritize the Kids - Giving cuddles after bath time, reading that one super hero story again for the 100th time or just chatting and listening is more important that your timeline, your next blog post, cleaning the kitchen or even checking on a troubled friend. Kids come first.

3. Tap into Your Inner Child - Just be silly. Say silly things, make goofy noises, tell terrible jokes, laugh at their terrible jokes and just have a little bit of fun each day with your little people. You'll go to bed chuckling at something with a heart full of delight and so will they.

4. Remind Yourself - There are women out there dying to be mothers, literally and figuratively. You are so blessed to have children. Never forget this and delight in them. Here's a scripture to pull out when you have no energy, had a bad day or simply are annoyed.

Psalm 127:3-5 "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in ones youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."

The way you parent your children is a worship to the Lord. Worship Him well!